oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
