But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
