I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
