I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
