I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize