I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
