I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
