is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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