my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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