im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
