Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
