hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
