How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
