I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
