Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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