wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
too bad you live with your parents still
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
