my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
