Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
