Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
