my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
