Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
