so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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