Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
