You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
