I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
