He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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