That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
