so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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