i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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