im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
