Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
