Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
