I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
