we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
