Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
