I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
