dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
