Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
