walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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