youre lurking in front of me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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