you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
