my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
