He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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