hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
