i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
