I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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