every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize