Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry my hands just texted you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize