He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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