I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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