when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize