Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
