I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
