Yo dont text me then not text me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
