They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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