I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
