I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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