my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Two words: blizzard sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
