pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
