my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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