Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The power of my boobs compel you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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