Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
