My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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