it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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