Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
