I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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